Cairns to Uluru / Ayers Rock - 23 - 25 April

Left Cairns at the crack of dawn (what a surprise, must stop Filby booking our flights in future), bound for Uluru / Ayers Rock.

Sadly, the first thing you notice on arrival are the dirty, evil flies. Immediate priority was to buy a face net and retrieve Mrs Win the hat from the bottom of my rucksack. Second observation, we really are in the middle of nowhere! Finally you realise that big red rock in the middle of nowhere, is really quite impressive.

That afternoon we took a helicopter trip over Uluru and the nearby Kata Tjua / Olgas.

Above: Ayers Rock and The Olgas from helicopter

Ernest Giles was the first non-indigenous person to sight Uluru in 1872. He described it as "the remarkable pebble". It was given its English name of Ayers Rock in 1873 in honour of the then Chief Secretary of Australia. The sandstone formation stands 348 m (1,142 ft) high [863 m (2,831 ft) above sea level] with most of its bulk below the ground, and measures 9.4 km (5.8 mi) in circumference.

After a quick recovery from our flight, we boarded a bus destined for a desert dinner experience, the "sounds of silence". We first had bubbly (through our face nets) and watched the sunset over Ayers Rock and The Olgas. We were then seated in the open air restaurant, where we enjoyed ozzie delicacies, including, crocodile, emu, kangaroo, baramundi etc. When dinner was over and I was drunk yet again, all candles were extinguished and an eccentric bloke walked amongst the tables and animated the night sky. Sadly we had some cloud cover but it was still great to be sitting in the middle of the desert in the darkness with a nutter pointing his million candle watt torch at star constellations.

Above: Sounds of Silence dinner

The following day we headed for a close up view the Rock. Very sensibly we waited until the temperature had peaked at around 28 degrees, before walking 11kms around the rock base. You can climb up if you choose, and if the conditions are safe, but the Aboriginals ask you not too as Uluru is a sacred site.

For our final morning, we woke at 5am to catch the sunrise, which was spectacular. We then started our walk in the "Valley of the Winds" which took us on a circular trek through the impressive boulders of the Olga rock formations. Covered in the red dust of the desert, we headed for the airport, bound for Brisbane - our last stop on the great ozzie tour.

Back to Cairns - 14 - 23 April

The main reason for our return to Cairns was to complete our PADI open water diving course. However, we had a couple of days in Cairns prior to the course starting.

We took a day trip to Cape Tribulation. Packed loads in, including a trip on the Daintree River to look for crocs, a visit to Mossman Gorge, a long walk on Cape Tribulation Beach, where the mangroves and rain forest meet the sea, and a visit to the rain forest canopy park.

Above: Views on the way to Cape Tribulation

Above: Back in the jungle, Mossman Gorge swing bridge

Above: Cassawari, a rare and protected bird that has a lethal kick, found wandering in a car park. Possibly the strangest looking creature I have ever seen in the wild.

Above: Cape Tribulation on a grey afternoon. Cape Tribulation was named by James Cook as he grounded on a nearby reef.

The following day we arrived at Pro Dive and met our new class mates. From the UK, Simon the business consultant, Chris the chef on board a millionaire's super cruiser, and Justin the TV editor. From Germany, Alex the student with the super white teeth, (I could only assume he had a dentist in the family), and our instructor, Steffan. Steffan had a great sense of humour until you made any kind of mistake under the water. He then transformed into a scary creature from the deep.

Above: The Great Barrier Reef diving trip. Our dive class and Filby with his best turn-ups.

So, classroom lesson number one. Why do things float? What happens to air when it is put under pressure? Is it me, or is this quite difficult? Maybe something to do with lack of brain engagement for 5 months.

Pool skills, day one. Steffan shouted at me with a very strong German accent, "YOU ARE NOT A VORTER PERSON ARE YOU?" (as I nearly drowned swimming a length underwater without a mask on) and "YOU VERK IN AN OFFICE, I CAN TELL" (after I had yet again assembled my equipment incorrectly, causing the loud release of precious air from my tank).

After getting through the written exam, we headed to the reef. The three hour boat trip had a good number of folks chundering. We dived eight times during the three days, which was pretty tiring, particularly as we had to practice all our new skills at sea. It took me a few dives to get my buoyancy sorted, which clearly frustrated Steffan as I freqently bobbed to the surface, "I VILL NOW CALL YOU CORK DIVER"

Adam was a complete teacher's pet and suffered no such abuse.

Memorable moments:

• First dives of the group, where our lack of buoyancy control led to flippers in the face, tangled equipment and complete sand-cloud chaos on the ocean floor


• Shark swimming towards us at eye level, as Adam and I took our first buddy dive alone
  
• Shocking underwater navigation as Adam and I popped up to surface about 300 meters from the dive boat - ummm, not cool. Should have been closer to 20.
  
• Night dive - terrifying thought, but a very cool experience


• Deep dive to 30 meters - where both Adam and I suffered from nitrogen narcosis. Consequence of which was a very dangerous and unjustified confidence in my diving ability. Followed by uncontrollable hysteria on the ocean floor, sparked off by Steffan showing us a tennis ball, which is not at all funny under normal circumstances.

• Amazing array of marine life, including white tipped reef sharks, shovel nose rays, green and leatherback turtles, giant hump head parrot fish and thousands of beautiful reef fish.


• Photography dive, where from 50 shots I have one clown fish photo that is worth looking at.

We graduated beyond our open water course, to become "adventure divers". Being out on the reef, learning something new, facing a few fears, exploring the underwater world and meeting some great people, all contributed to making this experience the highlight of our trip so far.

Back on dry land and chuffed with our achievements, we met up with our dive group for a "few" drinks. I am not sure if it was the dehydration from time in the sun, or perhaps it was the three pints, ten gins and various slammers that led to some bad disco dancing, me preventing our group from gaining entry into a strip bar, (the bouncer said I was "too intoxicated") and me taking a nasty tumble in front of a policeman (the police force in Cairns are currently on a drunk and disorderly clamp down). Ohhhps. At least I was not arrested, unlike two other guys from our group. Good night, very, very bad hangover.

Darwin 11 - 13 April

Darwin in summary - energy draining heat, permo-sweat muggy, flattened by the 2nd world war, flattened again by a cyclone, must-see sights include electrical storms (ummm), nice marina, pretty sunsets, big insects, off-shore gas container ships, fish-feeding at high tide, fishing trips for baramundi, underground oil pipes from WW2, worth a visit to reach Kakadu National Park, otherwise, don't bother! Thank goodness for aircon!

Above: Yellow Water Billabong where we spotted salt water crocs and plenty of bird life, including the giant Jabaroo and the Jesus Bird, which walks delicately across the lilies

Above: Aboriginal cave paintings at Kakadu National Park. Aboriginals have lived in Kakadu for thousands of years and have used these caves for shelter from the harsh weather of these parts. Paintings were used for education and also to bring good fortune. I can not remember exactly the meaning behind the painting above, only that if a figure is hanging upside down, it portrays death.


Above: It was nearing the end of the wet season in the Norther Territory (or the Top End as they call it) so many areas of the park were still inaccessible. Luckily we had a bold driver.

Above: Filby in Crocodile Dundee territory

Above: Our day trip to Kakadu complete as we enjoyed a glass of wine overlooking the wetlands at sunset

A bit about Kakadu National Park

The park is located in the tropical north of Australia, 120 kilometres east of Darwin, covering a total area of 19 804 square km.

The flood plains of Kakadu are sites of ongoing geological processes that illustrate the ecological effects of sea-level change in northern Australia. As well, the park represents a series of interacting ecosystems that continue to evolve in their natural setting with minimum human disturbance.

Kakadu contains features of great natural beauty and sweeping landscapes. Its focal points are the internationally important wetlands and the spectacular escarpment and outliers.

The park contains important and significant habitats for a diverse range of flora and fauna, with more than 60 species of mammals, 289 species of birds (more than a quarter of all Australian bird species), 132 species of reptiles, 25 species of frogs, 55 species of freshwater fish and over 10 000 species of insects. (ie. don't go swimming in a billabong)

Road trip from Perth to Shark Bay and the Hutt River Province - 7th - 10th April

We collected our hire car which was equipped with "roo bar" and paid the extra for "animal insurance". Our trip would cover of 2,000 kilometers along Australia's most perilous stretch of road (so we were informed on our safe arrival back in Perth). No wonder Tim looked a bit worried as we collected his brother-in-law, Paul. Paul joined our adventure into the bush!

Not a single kangaroo spotted, even after I laid down a generous reward of $5. Kirsten reckoned she had seen a wallaby in a bush, but I needed a verified sighting before parting with that sort of cash. Was quite disappointed not to hit anything! Always the way when you pay extra for that special insurance!

Eight and half hours later, after plenty of red road and with four sets of red eyes, we arrived at the metropolis of Denham, our base for the next 3 nights. A few questions sprung to mind; Why are the palm trees bent double? Where do you find somewhere to eat around here? "Is it me, or are the folk here a little odd?"

We took in the sights of Denham. Five minutes later we placed a rush order at the fish and chip shop as they were about to close for evening, along with everything else. It was ten to eight. At eight o'clock we headed back to our "resort" bar where the local band, Inferno, were playing. I thought they were ok, perhaps the drums were a little on the loud side, but the boys decided a few episodes of the West Wing in our family room preferable.

We awoke early to reach Monkey Mia in time for the first dolphin feeding.

Above: Beautiful beach at Monkey Mia

Above: Adam picked from the crowd to hand feed a dolphin, even after my best smiling and eye contact with the ranger.

Above: Dolphins look above the water line to focus in on their feeders. I am sure she is smiling at me!
Above: The regulars come in to feed in at Monkey Mia around three times a day. Dolphins are recognised by their dorsal fins, which are very individual due to markings, (scratches or bite marks), from inter dolphin scraps or run-ins with sharks. Nikki is the oldest of the provisioned dolphins at around 30 years old and she is known for being a terrible mother. Her latest baby followed other pod members into the bay around 15 minutes after her arrival.

Only a small number of 'provisioned' dolphins are fed snack sized fishy portions. However, this does not stop other visitors, offspring and friends trying their luck and coming regularly into the bay. This controlled feeding allows researchers to closely study Bottle Nose Dolphins, whilst the dolphins are still required to feed themselves naturally. It is certainly a magical experience to be so close to these beautiful creatures.

Above: Australian Pelicans take it easy on the beach at Monkey Mia. The tips of their beaks are to be avoided, sporting a sharp hook. Also a little intimidating when they give you the eye.

Above: After the dolphin excitement, we headed out on a boat trip in search of Dugongs, which feed on the vast area of seagrass found in Shark Bay. We spotted a few as they surfaced for air, along with some Leather Back turtles and a Sea Snake (over 3 times more venomous than any land snake).

Above: Dugongs, the largest population in the world are found at Shark Bay, sadly not my photo.

Above: A homestead hot tub in the middle of the bush. We wallowed in the murky bore water as the sun went down. A very nice experience if not a little scary as we tried to recover our clothes in the pitch dark.

Above: Hamelin Pools - a very special geological site, home to stromolite formations. What are stromolites I hear you cry? Stromolites represent the oldest form of life on earth and Hamelin Pool contains the most diverse and abundant examples of stromolite forms in the world. They are limescale deposits formed by the first algae populations. The algae released oxygen into the atmosphere enabling the creation of all other life forms. Pretty important, so stop thinking they look like giant cow pats!

Above: Kirsten and I enjoyed a long stroll along Nanga Beach

Above: The kind of dunny where it is advisable to lift the seat. You never know what could be lurking.Above: A very quick visit to Shell Beach, which although beautiful was infested with flies which crawled into our eyes, noses, mouths and ears. Yuk. Corked hats would have been very handy.

Above: Eagle Bluff - Overlooking Shark Bay. From this point we watched sharks, rays and Dugongs circling the bay. Shark Bay, as the name suggests, is in fact populated by vast numbers of sharks, varieties found include; Tiger, Bull, Reef, Hammer Head, Sand and Lemon Sharks.Above: Our last evening in windy Denham where we enjoyed a lovely meal in a tiny restaurant constructed with compacted shell bricks. I had catch of the day, which was Mangrove Jack - delicious.

We broke up the journey back to Perth by stopping off at several sights on route. First stop for lunch was Kalbarri, a beautiful seaside resort.

Above: Views over Eagle Gorge on peninsular of Hutt River

Above: Hutt Lagoon. "That can not be natural" I cried. Well, in fact this bright magenta pink lagoon is naturally coloured by algae forming beta carotene, which is extracted for food colouring. Nature never ceases to amaze.

Above: Scenes from the Hutt Province. Statue of Prince Leonard, Prince Leonard stamping Adam's passport and us behaving very respectably in the Hutt Province Church.

Our last stop, and not exactly on route, was to the Hutt River Province. In a nutshell, a nutcase, His Royal Highness Prince Leonard, found a legal loop hole, which enabled him to form his own country within Australia. He did this in 1970, promptly declared war on Australia and surrendered four days later. Why? To avoid paying tax on his wheat crops and to satisfy his enormous ego. He has his own laws, police force, government offices, civilians, currency etc. He stamped our passports and gave us a nice little tour.

We arrived back in Perth at 10pm. Kirsten missed the grazing roos as she was driving and luckily I missed the hundreds of giant road trains that hurtled along Highway 1 in the dark desert. Glad we made it. Would I ever want to drive around Australia? Never!

Adams returns from the bar, "I demand some respect, do you know I feature on the Australian $10 bill?"

A striking resemblance indeed. On closer inspection, we realise the unfortunate figurehead not only looks like Adam (poor thing), but is indeed a women!! Mary Gilmour.

Back to Sydney - 28th - 29th March

We said our goodbyes to Kirsten and Jules in Cairns and headed back to Sydney, picking up our original planned route, clockwise around Oz. Enjoyed chilling out in Sydney for a couple more days, visiting the botanical gardens, the rocks, the barracks museum (no Filby's listed within the convict records, 8 Curtis's, most impressive crime committed was highway robbery), and my old haunt of Dee Why. Met up with Richard for a last beer at the oldest pub in Sydney, The Fortune of War.

Above: Botanical Gardens, Sydney

Above: Fruit bats, Botanical Gardens, eekkkk, how to ruin a relaxing walk in the park.

Above: Dee Why Beach, where I lived in Sydney 15 years ago. My old flat had been demolished, but the beach is still pretty nice, even on a grey day.

Sydney to Melbourne - 30th March - 2nd April

Enjoyed a lovely few days in Melbourne, taking in the city sights, enjoying the vast array of grub on offer and catching an ozzie rules football game. Met up with a work friend, Kevin, who took us to a lovely area of the city, Brighton, where we had a fabulous lunch overlooking the sea. Kevin also advised us to go to the footy, which we did, sporting his team's colours. Didn't take us long to get into the spirit of it, even got the hang of when to shout "BALL".

Above: Melbourne city scape

Above: Watching Carlton Blues vs Richmond Tigers at Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). Fantastic, fast-paced entertainment.

Above: Bike ride along the Yarra River. Why do I never get the cool bike?

Melbourne to Perth - 2nd - 7th April

Headed to Perth, where we were collected by Adam's friend, Tim, and rejoined Kirsten, who had been relaxing at a luxury retreat for several days. Tim took us on a tour around the city and the following day to Freemantle and Cottlestoe Beach.

After the arrival of my friend Denise, we headed to Rottnest Island for the day. This beautiful island is an hour from Perth by ferry, is toured by most visitors by bike, and features a series of gorgeous sandy bays. There is some interesting wildlife on the island, including the native Quokka (mini kangaroo).

Enjoyed a great night out, where we rubbed shoulders with the weird and wonderful of Perth at Black Bettys nightclub (apparently a former strip joint). After Den's flying visit (she went on to visit her brother Tasmania) we spent our final day in Perth, enjoying a proper Ozzie bar-b-q.

Above: Adam with friend Tim at Kings Park, overlooking Perth City. Tim moved with his family to Perth two years ago.

Above: Cottlestoe Beach, on the outskirts of Perth

Above: Lovely friend Denise arrives in Perth. Following her 24 hour journey, we are in the pub within 2 hours of her arrival in Oz. What a star! Den currently lives in Dubai and we had not seen each other for over a year - another fabulous backlog of gossip to catch up on.

Cycling around Rottnest Island, above Longreach Bay

Above: Kirsten, unable to resist the local wildlife, befriends a little Quokka. So cute.

Above: Good Friday, Jay and Leah at Tim and Lyn's home in Perth. By the end of the afternoon this pool was a scene of full-on aqua warfare. I sampled one of everything on offer during the day, including burgers, prawns, lamb, chicken and fish, all washed down with some ice cold beers and lovely red wine. What a great day! Filby was a drunken disgrace and after loudly passing wind in front of Lyn's Mum, I decided it was time for us to go home.